Answers
by zarabithia
Summary: T'Pol ponders the past, the present, and the future


Title:  Answers (1/1)  

Pairing:  Tu/T'P, of course

Rating:  PG

Archive: If you're so inclined.  Just let me know where it goes.

Spoilers:  Teeny, tiny one for "Future Tense."

Warnings:  ANGST.  So, either pick up the hanky, or don't read further.  Although I'd prefer the former. Also, includes character death, although long, long, long time into the future.  This is a **** FUTURE-FIC*****

A/N:  This is a slight crossover with TOS.  It is told from T'Pol's point of view, but characters from TOS make rather crucial appearances.  Of course, so does our favorite engineer.    Mandatory disclaimer:  I own nothing.  Paramount and/or Viacom do, I believe.  No profit is being made, please don't sue.  

****

I recall Captain Archer once pondered whether a Vulcan-human offspring would have "pointed" ears.

I held the first such child today.  

His ears are Vulcan.

The child's father, Sarek, laments that the child is "so human."  He is foolish. Indeed, I examined the child carefully and I can see no trace of his human blood.  His physical appearance is as Vulcan as my own offspring's have been.

But he is as much human as I had wished them to be.

I have not allowed myself the lack of discipline necessary to dwell upon such matters for many years.  The arrival of the child, Spock, has given me reason to do so. 

I recall the birth of my first child, Suparn.  My very Vulcan bond mate nodded his approval after the procedure was finished.  "A son is most pleasant," he had said.

For a Vulcan male, his admission was one of happiness.  

Living with humans for seven years had tainted my Vulcan reserve, however.  Hearing Suvik's words installed an instant desire for a more passionate response.  

I was granted my wish.

_***_

_Hey, T'Pol._

_I know it's probably not appropriate for me to be contactin' ya like this and ya probably don't want me too, but when I heard about ya havin' a baby-after all, ya are T'Pol of Vulcan-the most powerful political leader on the planet.  When ya do things, they make waves all the way back to Earth.  Anyway, like I was sayin' about the baby-I wanna say congratulations.  So…congratulations. I know you'll make a great momma.  I'm sure Suvik'll make a great dad too. He has too.  After all, he's the only one that was finally good enough for ya. So he must be a pretty great man all around._

_I-aw, hell, ya know how I really feel, don't ya?  This isn't right, T'Pol, and ya know it. Just like you knew it when ya left.  When ya left me.  _

_***_

I am certain Commander Tucker did not mean to cause me pain.  

His intentions do not change the end result.   I could not understand why he did not comprehend my breaking of the engagement.  He interpreted my actions to mean I did not care for him. 

Why could he not see they meant the opposite?      

Although Charles had been oblivious to the reality of the situation, I had not.  I had realized the prejudice our union would have faced.  To have created a child with Charles would have been inordinately cruel.   He or she would have been subjugated to immense emotional turmoil due to both of our people's bigotry and intolerance.

Such illogical emotions are difficult for even a full blooded Vulcan child.  One can only imagine a half human child would be destroyed by such actions.  

I would not do such a thing for my offspring.  

My feelings for Charles were stronger than any innate maternal urge I may have had to procreate.  Being forced to chose, I chose Charles.  I had thought, incorrectly, that he would be able to make the same sacrifice.  

Then came the fateful encounter with the Andorian ship.

After receiveing a distress call from the Andorians, who had not faired well after an encounter with the Klingons, we arrived in time only to save one of their crew.  The ship had been a passenger star ship, and as a result, had not faired well in battle.  

She had been approximately nine human years old and extraordinarily frightened.  My Charles had taken a liking to her immediately.  With each passing day, I had become more and more concerned over their bond.  

***

"We will be returning Shral to her people tomorrow," I told Charles as we began to consume our morning meal.  

_"Yeah, I know. She'll be going to her grandparents, from what the Cap'n told me," Charles had replied as he began to plunge the biscuit in his mouth.  Few people have accused my human of having excellent manners._

_"I imagine you will experience some discomfort when she departs," I remarked, taking a sip of my tea and watching Charles carefully.  _

_He paused, and looked up at me, intrigued.  "What makes ya say that?"  _

_"I have noticed you seem rather attached to the child," I remarked simply._

_Charles shrugged and took a drink of his orange juice.  "I guess so.  I mean she's just a kid, and she's adorable. I feel bad for her, for what's happened," he told me.  _

_I nod.  "That is to be expected.  It has been rather . . . unfortunate, what has occurred." _

_Charles understood my 'unfortunate' and I did not have to elaborate.  Such understanding between individuals is quite comforting. _

_"Although, to be honest, the whole time Shral's been on the ship, I've been thinking about us, and what our kids'll look like," he states, rubbing my finger where the engagement ring he insisted on rests._

_I raised an eyebrow in response.  I had not had the opportunity to discuss my feelings with Charles concerning offspring. "Our offspring, Charles?" I asked evenly._

_"Yeah.  I know it'll take some doing, some scientific interfering, cuz we're so different genetically, but. . . well, it'll be well worth it.  I can't wait, T'Pol."  _

_Before I could register a response, Shral had joined us at the table and squeezed in tightly next to Charles.  I watched in growing dismay the interaction between the two of them. _

_***_

That is when I had known.  Watching Charles' attentiveness to the young Andorian, I saw the a glimpse of the type of father he could be.   I could not deny my th'y'la the opportunity to have a child.  

He did not understand.  He told me that it was not my decision.  That it was his.  _"And I chose to be with ya over havin' a child if ya feel that strongly 'bout it." _

But I could not allow my th'y'la to make such a sacrifice. 

I had never planned on bonding with anyone else.  Charles would, I was certain, and he had to in order to have the child I had sacrificed our relationship for.  But I would not.  There was no one, I was certain, that would affect me in the same manner as my Charles had done.   That hypothesis would prove correct.  

However, as years passed, my Charles kept in touch.  At least once a week, I would receive a communication from Charles and we would talk for an hour.  

With each passing year, I realized Charles had not grown to love another yet and his devotion to me was as strong as it had ever been.  

I could not allow that.  I had given up the opportunity to share my life with my th'y'la, so that he would have a chance at happiness.  I would not allow his devotion to me to throw away that chance.  

I tried to simply ignore his calls, but my th'y'la was too persistent.  After another year of being busy when he called, I realized there was only one way to make him move on with his life.  

I took Suvik as my bond mate.   

He was a suitable Vulcan bond mate, passionless and nearly emotionless.  We copulated only when his _pon far_ demanded it.  But it was enough to conceive three children, beginning with Suparn.  

Taking Suvik as a bond mate did not dissuade my Charles from communicating with me.  Although it was difficult, I continued such weekly discussions.  Although I could not allow myself to admit it, I enjoyed them and looked forward to them.  Particularly when my th'y'la had occasion to be happy. Those moments were rare, but among them was the celebration of the completion of Warp 7.  A project my th'y'la had been responsible for.  

Then came the birth of Suparn.  I received only one communication from Charles, and then they stopped.  

I received only one other communication from Charles during his lifetime.  

***

_"Hey, T'Pol, _

_I'm writin' this the old fashioned way, instead of the one-on-one way, cuz I figure it'll be easier to say.  I haven't talked to ya in two years after all._

_Ya probably wonderin' why.  When I heard about Suparn-well, that did it.  I finally understood that you and I were never gonna be.  Not in this life.  _

_I went crazy for a while.  Took some time off.  My shrink suggested I go to Risa.  Find a substitute, right?  I thought it was crazy, but I went anyway.  Tryin' to get ya outta my head anyway I could, right? _

_Well, I found a prostitute on Risa. Ya know the planet's full of 'em, right? So I found one.  And well. . . we got married.  Her name's Jennifer._

_I don't' love her, but I do love our daughter.  Yeah, there's a Charlotte Tucker  now. She was born three days ago.  I wanted to let you know.  Your plan worked, I guess.  As happy as I am to be a father, as I hold her, I still can't help but wish I was with ya.  _

_But I want to let ya know, I understand why ya did it now.  Ya did it to make me happy.  _

Thank ya, T'Pol, for giving me a chance to have a child.  

_I can't bring myself to speak with ya anymore, like I used to.  So, please don't respond.  But know that your plan worked.  Ya got your way.  I'm not happy, but I hope ya are, finally."  _

***

Indeed, I never heard from Charles again.  I respected his wishes, and never communicated with him.  His daughter, Charlotte, was the one to contact me to let me know of his passing. 

Seeing Charlotte stirred great emotion within me.  She bore a striking resemblance to her father. 

***

_"He spoke of ya frequently, T'Pol," she told me, not bothering to hide the tears in her eyes.  "He never stopped lovin' ya," she added.  _

_"Nor I him," I responded evenly.  I would shed my own tears in private.  _

_She smiled.  "I know. He knew that too, in the end." _

_"You were with him, then?" I assumed.  _

_Charlotte nodded.  "Yeah.  Me and my dad were always real close, T'Pol," she said softly.  _

"I grieve with thee," I told the woman.  She could not fathom just how strongly I did grieve. 

_She nodded again. "Well, Dad did live a long life. Not all humans live long enough to see the birth of their great grandson," she says wisely.  "But he got to see the birth of little George to my granddaughter Susan and her husband Samuel.  Even made the trek all the way to Iowa to see it."  _

****

Those events transpired many years ago.  The interactions between Vulcans and humans are stronger today.  There is less bigotry and hate on both sides.  Indeed, we are each other's strongest allies.  This universe makes it possible for Spock to exist.  Indeed, I anticipate he will have a very happy existence. 

Perhaps Sarek will mar that happiness.  Sarek's desire to forbid the child's human heritage fills me with apprehension.  

I would have embraced the opportunity to mate completely with my human, in the manner that Sarek has with Amanda.  But I am from a different era than Sarek.  And my human lives no longer.  

Amanda has acquiesced to her husband before, and I am certain she plans on doing so again.  As a result, their child shall know little of the human customs outside of what he sees with Amanda.  

The thought is unpleasant.  My time on _Enterprise_ lead me to appreciate the many benefits humans had to offer.  No one taught me that lesson as thoroughly as my Charles.  

Rising from my meditative state, I make a resolve.  As President of the Vulcan Science Academy, I have an inordinate amount of political and social influence control.  I shall use that control to make certain the child is well in touch with his human half.  If Amanda were to do so, Sarek would rebel. If I do so, he will not dare to raise a complaint.  

I shall instruct young Spock on the qualities-both good and bad-of humans.  I will share my encounters on _Enterprise _and with Starfleet with the child.  If Spock ever chooses to live amongst humans,  he will be well prepared.  

I anticipate the emergence of his teeth.  He shall need them before he can sample pecan pie.  

***

-Fin-

Please R/R, I adore feedback.

**scampering off to work on a certain unfinished other story****


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